June 25, 2006
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Self-Made Man
Norah Vincent’s book is a fascinating, fascinating, fascinating read. I found it while looking up the copyright info in order for a professor to use chapter 2 of this book in a course pack. I read some of the chapter and was instantly interested in reading the rest of the book. Which I did and finished this morning shortly before England vs. Ecuador came on. It’s all about a woman who decided to try and find out about men. What it means to be a man, and what life and everything about life is like for a man. She goes about it by dressing up as a man for a year and a half, and goes to all kinds of ‘male-only’ institutions and hang-outs(for lack of a better word). I’ll go chapter by chapter in order to give my thoughts.
Chapter 1: Getting Started
Self-explanatory title really. In this short section all the author did was lay out how she got the idea, clarified that this wasn’t a gender-identity issue/crisis, and explained how she went about giving herself a five o clock shadow and other little details like that.
Chapter 2: Friendship
In this chapter, she goes to a bowling alley and gets to know a group of guys over the course of a handful of months. I found this chapter to be fascinating, as I mentioned earlier, simply because she had no idea how easily accepting guys can be with each other. “You’re a man, so you’re alright as long as, or until, you prove otherwise” seemed to be her general conclusion here. She got to know some very working class guys who were completely out of her norm. She came from New York and came across(at least in her book) as more than a little elitist. It was interesting to see her thoughts not just as her misconceptions about men were pointed out, but also as her knack for discounting those who were not quite as ‘cultured’ as she were pointed out.
Chapter 3: Sex
When I first looked in the table of contents, I’ll admit I was really looking forward to her comments and observations that I hoped would be within this chapter. She certainly did have some eye-opening experiences, but I felt they were more than a little tainted. You see she wanted to know what most men really believed about sex, what they really thought and wanted out of the experience. Well, in search of this answer she went strip clubs, a lot of strip clubs. Now what disappointed me about this is best served by an analogy. Let’s say I wanted to know whether there were any brunettes in the world. What are brunettes like? What do they eat? Now in search of the answers to my questions, I go to Sweden. ‘Wow, there are not very brunettes! Mostly blondes from the looks of things. Hmm, looks like brunettes are pretty rare’. Can you see how my conclusions about brunettes would be tained by going to a place known to be populated by a striking number of blondes? It was the same here. She made all sorts of conclusions about what men think about sex based on her observations of men who go to strip clubs. This chapter, ironically enough, frustrated me.
Chapter 4: Love
This one was far far better in my opinion. She decided to go on scores of dates to find out what the experience was like for men. She was rejected, rejected again, then rejected again and again. It felt kind of vindicating to see her thoughts about just how much power women wield(and know it). When things progressed with some of those who did not reject her character of Ned outright, it was strangely illuminating to see, from a woman’s perspective, just how women treat most of the men they date. She mentioned how some of them treated her like a chance to vent against ex-boyfriend and/or ex-fiances. She mentions how some of them treat her/him like an enemy-until-proven-otherwise. Another fascinating insight is when she goes into detail about what it is that so many women seem to want. I’ll let you find that out for yourself. Though of course, if you already are a woman then you already know.
Chapter 5: Life
Great chapter! She goes to live with a bunch of monks for awhile. She/he went into the place thinking it was going to be all about strict rules and self-flagellating faith. What she found were a bunch of men who were just as human and had just as many needs as the men she met at the bowling alley. Repression was the key word for what she found there. I’ve never really thought about going to become a monk, but it is interesting to find out what life on the inside of a monastery is like(and what the monks wish it could be like).
Chapter 6: Work
Cut-throat, cut-throat, cut-throat. A real man has balls and goes about proving it any way he can to get ahead in the work place. Period. I again wonder if her results/conclusion were not tainted by the fact that she went into a sales job(I think selling value-pack coupons) where everything operates on commission. I would have liked to have seen her go into a salaried position or even settle for an hourly position somewhere to see workplace life without the commission factor. As it was, it was an interesting chapter. I just didn’t identify with it very much.
Chapter 7: Self
Until I read this chapter, I never knew there was a men’s movement going on out there. One of my issues of Psychology Today alluded to something like that once in an article called ‘Where have all the real men gone’, but seeing what an underground(and it is for obvious reasons) movement like that is like was, again, fascinating. That’s kind of them word for her book isn’t it? Fascinating. While I could identify with some of the feelings some of the men in her AA-style men’s group were talking about, I’m still not entirely sure she approached the question of ‘men’s sense of self’ right. The section where she explains about every man there drawing his hero, that was awesome and I definitely identified with that. Especially the two who drew atlas and described how they felt the weight of the world on their shoulders. Being the oldest brother in a divorced family, I’ve known that feeling. I’m not a father yet, but being a substitute can provide a taste for such an overwhelming responsibility.
Chapter 8: Journey’s End
I won’t divulge what happened towards the end of chapter 7, or what it meant for most of chapter 8 here, but it was a sad twist. I am glad the author learned so much about herself through the whole ordeal though.
Overall: You absolutely must have a strong constitution to handle some of the sections. A sensitivity to crude terms will be a barrier between you and the message Norah Vincent is trying to get across. There is far more within the book than I mentioned above, but hopefully that gave you enough interest to go out and read it yourselves.
