I’m going to sit down tomorrow night and do my taxes. Between state and federal returns I should get back a decent amount. My intention is, after putting 100 of it into my IRA, to hold onto the rest, combine it with 300 dollars saved over three months, and then purchase a new laptop. I have my sights set on a nice one I saw advertised at circuit city. This one is still functional, but shows its’ age(got it in late 2002 for my 21st b-day). I would like to get a new one, and then probably send this one to the laptop guy for a few cosmetic repairs, completely reinstall the hard drive, and then give it to my brother Marcus for his 16th birthday. He already knows that I’ve been thinking about getting a new one and giving him this one so it wouldn’t be a big surprise.
       He’s 16, and the computer my family has dates from 2000. It’s basically only functional for very basic typing and internet use. He’s getting to that age where if he doesn’t have a myspace and doesn’t have regular access to everyone else’s facebook, he falls behind socially and just can’t recover. Now I’ll say that I’m giving it to him so that as he gets into more and more high school calibur homework that he can actually work on his own computer rather than hijacking Michael’s laptop. Truth be told, I know him, and I can see what the kids of his generation value. Thus, this laptop will help him out socially more than it ever will educationally.
        Now to say this is some kind of act of charity for him would be wrong. I want a new laptop just as much as I want to give him one. The one I saw actually has a camera built into the moniter. It also has a keyboard pad that would greatly help when I play Pirates. But more than that, I have a lot of interesting ideas of how best to utilize this, my little corner of the internet. I think that I will get some kind of microphone for the new laptop and begin creating lots of audio files to upload here. One of the songs I created two years ago is already up. I think that the audio capability could be used in two awesome ways. One, I’d like to be able to just blather away about random stuff and see where my mind takes me. I think I’d just record for 15 minutes and see where things go. I’d also like to read through some of the essays I’ve written over the years. Some, not a lot. Mostly though, I’d like to…audiolize?….my stories and poems. Having them on paper is one thing, but I think that if I were to read them and actually use the inflections imagined in my head and maybe even play the music I always said “fit the atmosphere of this post” in the background…that it could be kind of cool.
         That’s the audio portion of Xanga’s capabilities. I also see I can upload video. With the camera and the ability to upload, I could pretty much do anything. That’s pretty enticing to someone as creative as me. What will go up there? No idea, I don’t think uploading a video of me reading while I record the audio version of my stories would be very interesting. But, maybe if the more or less improvisation style audio files go over well, I may do an improvisation style video file or two. I don’t know. All I know is that I want to get a more powerful laptop capable of doing all that, and that just so happens to go hand in hand with my desire to get Marcus a laptop of his own.

Stay tuned….you won’t regret it.

Your Shadow

Okay the shift key works. Thanks to Juice and Liquidy for their help.

It’s 2:30 AM and I’m not really tired. I have a pepsi and a deli-meat sandwich by my side. On any given day, usually at any given moment, I’ve got a thousand broken thoughts floating through my mind and I figure that every once in awhile maybe it’s not such a bad idea to try and get a few of them down on paper(or in this case on the internet for all to see).

Thought One: Individuals who have experienced major adversity are a whole different breed of individual than those who haven’t.

Thought Two: There is too much money in the world.

Thought Three: There are too many religions, and these religions too fractured to all be taken seriously.

Thought Four: The majority of citizens will vote however the lobbying group with which they affiliate themselves the most tells them to vote.The politicians elected through this process will act according to how the lobbying groups that got them there tell them to act. If you want power in this world, become the head of a powerful lobbying group like the NRA or NOW; don’t run for office.

Thought Five: Thoughts are illusions. Action is not. Philosophy has no productive value to anyone other than those who have the time and energy to expend the resources needed to think over matters that, to an individual making the decision whether to pay the rent or feed their children, has no practical value.

Thought Six: What would individuals like Thoreau, Emerson and Whitman have on their blog?

Thought Seven: Who are you?

Thought Eight: Look closely at your computer screen. Look very closely. Do you see them? Do you see the miniscule squares that, when pressed together one by one, comprise a computer screen? Good. I do too.

Thought Nine: It is easy to say, “I am perfect”. It is hard to say, “I am flawed”. It is nearly impossible to say, “I am broken”.

Thought Ten: Tomorrow you will walk by someone who is thinking of ending their life. You have no way of telling who. She may be smiling. He may be high-fiving. But they will walk past you tomorrow.

Thought Eleven: Edward Shoulders, 22,  was shot and killed this past thursday night. He was a one minute clip on Friday morning’s local news. His name will never be heard again.

Thought Twelve: The next time you find yourself awake at 3 AM feeling miserable and desolate, look up to see a roof over your head. Look to your left to see a pepsi that you were able to purchase with your own funds that morning with a credit card at krogers. Look at the empty plate where two pieces of bread, two slices of deli-meat, and one piece of cheese - all of which had been purchased with your own funds – once lay. Feel directly beneath your stomache to find a bed with blankes and a comforter. Look beneath your laptop to find a beautiful afghan given to you by your grandmother two years ago as a Christmas gift. Look at the bottom of the wall to see a grate running around the edges of the room that, if it were switched on, would provide heat. Look at the light bulb, also newly purchased, not a foot above your head. Think of the individuals that you have gotten to know, to a certain extent, who will read these words in a matter of hours. Think on all of these things, realize that there are people out there who would kill to have half of them, that there are individuals who never will have some of them, and individuals out there whose lives ended before they ever got a chance at any of them.

Thought Thirteen: Depression is counterproductive.