August 5, 2007
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USPS
I would be completely emotionally satisfied in a relationship conducted entirely by Postal Mail. I can’t deny that there are times when I crave the loving arms of an open-hearted girl, but that physical drive pales in comparison to the deeper emotional one. An emotional drive that I know is filled to the point of overflowing when I see a simple letter in the mail. I don’t know what causes this to be the case, but it is the case.
Am I crazy?
Comments (7)
no.
no. As long as your emotional drive means that you are fulfilled in yourself sufficiently to give and not just seek, then this could make a girl very happy.
I just feel horribly guilty about it. I try to tell myself it isn’t self-centered if it makes ‘her’ happy as well, but it doesn’t work too well.
I’d like to think I give everything in my letters, but deep down wonder at the reason why I can only give like that in such an impersonal way.
It’s the same part of me that barely makes it through ‘o holy night’ before losing it. That key change at ‘Fall on your knees’….it’s torn my heart every time since the first time during Home Alone.
Are you scared (of anything)? Is that why impersonal communication is easier?
My verbal comprehension skills suck. Royally. They always have. My mother told me when I was 11 about a brain chemistry thing that just causes things to misfire during person to person conversation. Now here, reading and writing, I can pick up everything and then some. But it’s extraordinarily hard for me to focus and my mind is always searching for the next thing to say to prevent any more “uh oh dan’s got nothing to say awkward silences”.
it’s cost me professionally and personally for years. In the context of relationships….how best to explain….
I once was getting to know a girl named Drewe, and we sat together in a philosophy class (existentialism) for most of Spring ’05. Neither of us made a move and that was it at the time. Then the next fall there she was in another philosophy class and we were both like uber-excited. About three classes into the quarter it was a really boring lecture that day and we were talking a bit back and forth. Then she turns to me and goes, “what are we doing”, and I thought she meant the class and went “I don’t know”. Then she went, “Seriously, what are we doing here?” I still didn’t pick up on what she was actually asking and shrugged my shoulders because I had just answered her question. Were I a little better at reading between the lines and actually getting the freakin point I would have understood that she was talking about. It clicked two weeks later but it was too late. She was already sitting with some other guy in another part of the class.
I don’t know if that was coherent but if not – I struggle to get the point irl. really really struggle. So am I scared of anything. Yes. My problem isn’t with being misunderstood, it’s of me misunderstanding completely and then coming off as an incompetent buffoon(professionally) and a dense idiot(personally).
Reading? Writing? It’s a safe zone. Person to person conversation? Deeeeep insecurity.
*what she was talking about.