November 9, 2012

• CBT (Part 2)

  So yesterday was my second appointment with my Cognitive Behavior Therapist. This is the second post in what will undoubtedly be a long series detailing my journey through the CBT process. CBT (Part 1) made the Xanga front page. At first I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I tagged a few friends and the post(or should I say the process) received a lot more attention than I thought it would. But I’m actually okay with that. So from now on, if these posts make the front page, so be it. The more people who realize that therapy isn’t for those who are weak, the better. I rather think that therapy is for those who are already strong, and want to become stronger. So I figure what I will do is talk about the progress made in each of the three goals I set for myself in the first session.

  Goal #1. Try to get to a point where I can be alone at night. Since this was priority number one, this is what my doctor and I talked about the most. He had plenty of questions, which for the most part were intended to probe into my background and explore some of my childhood memories of being alone or left alone or anything like that. The main ones that came to mind were an experience I had in fourth grade where my friend Jeremiah didn’t show up at our mutual bus stop. I was really panicky about where he was and, come to find out later, he had broken his leg over the weekend. The other thing that we talked about was my parents’ divorce. Those were very hard times and although I have never had a parent physically die, the day my father remarried he emotionally died.

  Goal #2. Try to get to a point where I can be around dogs and not feel anxious. We covered this one about as much as the first as my brother and sister in law’s dog came with us down to my Dad’s house to celebrate all of our birthdays(Four of us were born in November). The fact that my Dad’s cat Bella had to be shut outside, and JJ shut in the basement brought back a lot of memories of my cat Skittles hiding under the couch all day when my Mom and I got a dog back in 2010. And I also had to keep my cat Rascal shut in my room all day to prevent him from antagonizing the dog, Rosie. He was just defending his terrority but still, those two barking and hissing at one another was a huge stressor. I know this wasn’t priority number 1, but the fact that I can acknowledge that inconvenience is a key part of why I’m anxious around dogs is a big step. I need to work on this if I am going to be able to be around babies! lol.

  Goal #3. Try and get to a point where I can go to my youngest brother’s wedding. I talked yesterday with my doctor about how my first real adult decision came when I was 14 and decided not to go to my father’s wedding. My brother and sister in law know that I never approved of my Dad’s remarriage and that the reasons for my not attending their wedding were completely different than the reasons why I didn’t attend Dad’s. I do not currently believe that decision played a part in the decision not to attend my brother’s wedding, but I guess I’ll find that out at some point.

  And then there is the Feeling Good Handbook and the journals I mentioned last time. I am supposed to read chapter 1(which I did about half this morning) by my next session(Nov. 15th). But in one of my greatest leaps of faith, I gave my 2007 journals to my doctor to read so that he cane see the steady decline from stability into instability from my firsthand accounts.

  That’s it for this go round. Time to tag everyone!

  @megabyyte @heytherejoann @light_blue_fables @foodhog @mypublicsite @isitreal_no

  • 12:34 pm
  • 6 Comments