November 28, 2012
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CBT (Part 4)
Yesterday’s Cognitive Behavior Therapy session was all over the place. We went from talking about some of the stuff in the Feeling Good Handbook(I have a 39 on anxiety and a 4 on depression. Lots of anxiety and virtually no depression), to talking about the mini-journal I’ve been keeping about some of my anxious thoughts and corrections for them, to talking about the three main goals, to talking over my stomach pains that have persisted ever since last Friday night. I swear this must be what menstrual cramps feel like and it sucks. Ladies if any guy ever tells you that you are weak for having cramps, punch him!
. Anyways, the only subject we did not discuss was Tasha, which I freely acknowledge hurts to even write her name. I may have to be proactive and bring her up on my own. In case you are joining me on this journey late, here is a LINK to the previous installment.Goal #1. Separation Anxiety. During the Thanksgiving Holiday I really didn’t get a chance to work on this. Sometime I will tell my mother to pick a day and go shopping during the time she would normally be on her way home. If I am going to have any chance at living on my own again, I am going to have to adjust my thinking when it comes to family not being around; not being reliably around.
Goal #2. Dogs. This is the area in which I’ve made noticeable progress. When I was at my brother’s house to celebrate Thanksgiving with him and his in-laws, it was clearly the in-laws that made me nervous as opposed to the dog. He even came on my lap when we were all sitting around the couch talking and before anyone could say something about getting him away, I held up my hand to not say anything and simply pet him a little. So when I’m with Leanard at his house it is okay now. Now it’s just a matter of when he is at my house.
Goal #3. Weddings. As I said it was my younger brother’s in-laws that cause the most anxiety last week. They are all very social and gregarious and I would just plain prefer to eat some Turkey and then be left alone. I wasn’t left alone and had a few anxious moments during the couple of hours spent there. Magnify that by 100 people and that will be my youngest brother’s wedding! Yikes. Must work on this area.
My next appointment is December 4th. I thank you all for your encouragement during this time in my life. The positive support is greatly appreciated.
@megabyyte @heytherejoann @light_blue_fables @mypublicsite @foodhog @isitreal_no
Comments (10)
I had a phobia of gold for a while.
I would also respond to certain keywords like “husband,” “veil,” “rich,” “poor,” etc.
Yeah, early in schizophrenia, I had a lot of anxiety but that ebbed.
The anxiety made me sound weird to other people. While I was in the grips of it, I would have been unable to write coherently because my thoughts were so jumbled.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4KcQutgO6A
I’m glad you’ve made so much progress with the dog situation. Keep working hard! You got this.
Here’s something I wrote while I was crazy:
So that’s what the heart is for, I suppose, for another.
I had to drink beer to calm down this morning after asking. I went a little too deep. No, I can’t pick up on the entire universe all the time and omit my person at the same time.
“the stiff lens just below focuses the incoming waves even more, sending them into the inland sea of the jellylike vitreous humor deeper down in the eye. A very few of the incoming electric waves explode against the organic molecules in their way, but most simply whirl through these soft biological barriers and continue straight down, piercing the innermost wrapping of the eyeball, till they reach the end-point of their journey: the fragile, stalk-like projection from the living brain known as the retina. And deep inside there, in the dark, barely slowed from their original 670 million mph, the waves splatter into the anceint moist blood vessels and cell membranes, and then something unexpected happens. An electric current switches on” (Electric Universe).
Last night I read
Simplicity makes life better. Perhaps I’m just tired.
Why so complicated?
http://www.utexas.edu/law/faculty/profile.php?id=huskeyka Nope. I’ll balance you out with a tactic of yours.
Statement forced from the Nazi government to people of an event:
“I am aware that one individual alone can for comprehensive idea of the events in Cologne. One usually exaggerates one’s own experiences and the judgment of those who have been bombed is impaired. I am therefore aware that reports of individual suffering can only do harm, and I will keep silent. I know what the consequences of breaking this undertaking will be… they [German citizens] were on their hands and knees screaming” (Electric Universe).
Damn straight. I don’t want her to “shock” me, and we’re entering into an era where this will be possible. I want aware containers.
I come from the spine-water, so I know
I hate humans.
It was his sister, btw, not him.”
Here’s another one. I knew I was losing my mind, so I kept trying to study.
So the schizophrenic-wise-aged-survivor-anemic angels of extremes saw the work of calm man and decided that man would do nothing but fuck, whore and rape the land of everything natural, which was a problem because it was touching their world of combinations, so they knocked the tower to the ground because it was suffering from an unnatural mental illness.
Each kingdom broke off and developed its own philosophy (prime cluster pattern) from the ground up again and again based on the desire of human dominance and necessary reacton to environmental factors.
Containers became stronger relative to them but also tired and began to transform due to blood curses and kingdom’s squires and touching desires. They fell to their own vanity and continued denting DNA in the wrong way. Thus, preventing natural order of evolution and creating circles instead of the humble dirt they had conquered. They kept their children clean for 2 or 3 generations to see “balance” or their “perfecting of faults” only to fall to another’s desire after their 1 up 1 down fall then too many around.
Ring around the Rosy
Pocket full of Posy
Ashes, Ashes,
We all Fall Down”
“You look in vain for the track of the target nucleus of nitrogen 14, since before the collision, it was just the nucleus of an ordinary atom going peaceably about its business.”
Do you have any writings from when you’ve been off?
I have video too. I wasn’t too bad in this one. I’ve been steadily improving.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph_UismY7Jk
I get agitated when it happens. I throw punches. Usually, there’s a period of cognitive impairment followed by confusion, aggression and strange behavior.
Writing and making all those videos helped me to see some stuff.
The stomach ache I bet it’s anxiety related… routines are very useful for me but I think they can be a source of anxiety when it’s about relying in others, not because they’re not reliable but because of the stress that cause the slight inconveniant or delay in patterns…I know your disorder is very different from mine but it doesn’t sounds that different from autism at least the anxiety patterns and issues…
Best of lucks Dan, I’m glad you’re making progress
The progress with the dog is great
you’re doing so well. I hope my brother can try as hard as you are with his therapy.
Glad to know that you are making headway with what you are learning.
So the therapy does work, you’re the proof in the pudding Dan. It seems like your therapist is guiding you in a way that is working for you, you have made so much progress since the last time I read any of your posts! I should really keep up, it shows me a little light at the end of the tunnel
I’m glad you are doing so well, and I’m sorry you’re so anxious otherwise. I know how you feel Dan, I really do.
Is the Feeling Good Handbook interesting? helpful? worth the money? Thanks for sharing all of the details… I enjoy reading them.
@light_blue_fables - Yes, Yes, and Yes. But it is designed to be read in between therapy sessions, not as a lone endeavour without the help of a trained therapist to guide you and analyze the homework involved with the book.