January 24, 2013

• CBT (Part 9)

  Holy Cow! 9 sessions already? Now that the new year is here and there are no more vacations or things like that on the horizon my doctor and I will be scheduling many more appointments in advance. I went into yesterday’s with no others scheduled, so after an appointment on the 1st, it will be until the 15th when I see him again. After that it will be about once a week. It’s funny because I remember when I was originally set up with a therapist(non cbt) and I dreaded those appointments even though they were only once a month. Now I’m learning so much and feel like I’m getting stronger and stronger that I could easily go twice a week. Anyways…

  Yesterday’s session, both my therapist and I acknowledged, was a productive one. We covered a lot of ground that included an article in the USA Today, an entry in my 2007 journal, and Tasha. It would take an eternity to cover each of these three topics due to all the backstory that would be involved, so for now I will just say that I am glad I am at the point where I can actually talk about these kinds of topics without cringing. Especially Tasha. Brad, you may remember her as the ‘elf-girl’ we talked about from time to time.

  I do want to take a minute and talk about a couple of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy processes that I use in and out of my sessions to help with the three main goals. One is analyzing the amount of distress a certain topic(like Tasha) causes me on a scale of 1 to 100. There is a proper name for this scale but it escapes me as I read about it months ago. There is no real method to it, you just try and remember where your anxiety was at its’ peak (90 for instance) and where it is now (10). So when I am in my session and we discuss a topic like my breakdown in 2007, it causes me to get fairly anxious. I would say it causes me about an 85 out of 100. Writing about it now causes about 10 to 15 out of 100. The CBT is meant to help you find ways to get from talking down to 75 then 65 and so on, to writing it down to 7 and then maybe 5 or 4. It’s an inexact science but it really is beneficial.

  Another method is to look at things according to probabilities. I will take the exampe of me going to a hockey game last year. There are typically about 18,000 people at a Columbus Blue Jackets game. I might worry on a scale of about 50 out of 100 that I might run into someone I used to work with and have them ask about what happened before I left back in 2007. But what is the probablity of that happening? 1 out of 18,000 right? So it is very very remote and looking at it that way helps me calm down and just enjoy the game.

  The last method I will go into is an advantage/disadvantage method. Let’s say I was thinking about asking someone out and had the thought go through my mind, “I don’t deserve this person. I have all these issues and she won’t want to deal with them.” Now what I can do is take a piece of paper and a pencil and list all of the advantages to believing that, and then list all of the disadvantages to it. See how that works? There will inevitably be far more disadvantages to believing such a thought than there are advantages. That is how CBT works!

  And now I will go on to talk about what I’ve worked on in the past week or so, but if you would like to read the previous entry, HERE is the link.

  Goal #1: Separation Anxiety. I got to work on this a great deal over the weekend. As I mentioned in part 8 that I would be at my Dad’s for the weekend and that I would be by myself later at night. My father and stepmother were gone from about 4 until 9:30 or so in the evening. Those of you who have been following my CBT posts know that after about 6 or 7 I get really anxious about being alone. At 6 I would say it is about a 50 out of 100. By 9:30 it is about an 85. But on Saturday there was a Penguins game on until about 6, then I wrote in my journal about finishing a book called Thunder Dog. Then I watched the Buckeyes basketball team lost to Michigan State in a close one until about 8. Then at 8 the Blue Jackets season opener came on and I followed them either on TV or the radio until my Dad and Stepmom got home. I also give an assist to Brad because he texted me for awhile during those hours which provided me with some company. I also read some of the Feeling Good Handbook so Burns can get an assist as well. It is strange though, I can’t help but reflect on the fact that for seven years I lived alone and had no real problems, and now I struggle to go a few hours late at night by myself. Honestly? I would like some input as to whether this anxiety makes me weak.

  Goal #2: Dogs: Apparently my Mother had my brother, sister in law, and their dog Leanard over at our house while I was gone. Nothing happened other than him being a little wound up from not being on any more medication.

  Goal #3: Social Anxiety: I will be at a birthday party for my Stepmom beginning at 1 on Saturday. Sometime after that I hang out with Brad. If any of you saw my post about my youngest brother going back to college and he and I playing some of the Star Wars CCG game, then you may be surprised to learn that Brad saw it too and that he told me he’d be willing to give me a ton of cards from his collection so that my brothers and I can play from all the different movies. I will go into this more next time. I am excited and owe him one!

  And before I go I thought I would share with you my little post CBT tradition. A Spicy Chicken Ceasar Salad from Wendy’s with Italian Vinaigrette dressing. Yum!
  

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  • 12:13 pm
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