I went 1-1 in the Championship games. The Ravens beat Tom Brady, which was awesome. And though I prefer the Falcons because they’ve never won a Super Bowl before, I really don’t mind the 49ers making it. It is kind of a bad Super Bowl for Steelers fans since either the Ravens (our main rival) win, or the 49ers win and get a 6th Super Bowl tying the Steelers for most in NFL history. I guess if the Ravens win I’ll just tell myself that they play such a similar style to the Steelers that it is kind of like seeing the Steelers win another Super Bowl. Then if the 49ers win I’ll just remind myself that if you take all of NFL history into account, the Green Bay Packers are the real championship leaders with like 13 or something. But anyways, here’s my pick:

Super Bowl XLVII: Baltimore Ravens 23, San Francisco 49ers 17

Here’s the deal: If anyone wants to guess the final score here, and they get it right, I will give you a 1000 eprop mini!

Enjoy Super Bowl Sunday!

Option 1: Write book number 1, which I love but won’t ever be published.

Option 2: Write book number 2, which I feel is okay and could actually be published one day.

So it’s a choice between doing what I love for fun that won’t bring in any money and doing what I am capable of doing but just don’t love as much that can earn some money potentially.

Which do I choose? I tried doing both at the same time and it’s just too hard. :-/

Holy Cow! 9 sessions already? Now that the new year is here and there are no more vacations or things like that on the horizon my doctor and I will be scheduling many more appointments in advance. I went into yesterday’s with no others scheduled, so after an appointment on the 1st, it will be until the 15th when I see him again. After that it will be about once a week. It’s funny because I remember when I was originally set up with a therapist(non cbt) and I dreaded those appointments even though they were only once a month. Now I’m learning so much and feel like I’m getting stronger and stronger that I could easily go twice a week. Anyways…

Yesterday’s session, both my therapist and I acknowledged, was a productive one. We covered a lot of ground that included an article in the USA Today, an entry in my 2007 journal, and Tasha. It would take an eternity to cover each of these three topics due to all the backstory that would be involved, so for now I will just say that I am glad I am at the point where I can actually talk about these kinds of topics without cringing. Especially Tasha. Brad, you may remember her as the ‘elf-girl’ we talked about from time to time.

I do want to take a minute and talk about a couple of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy processes that I use in and out of my sessions to help with the three main goals. One is analyzing the amount of distress a certain topic(like Tasha) causes me on a scale of 1 to 100. There is a proper name for this scale but it escapes me as I read about it months ago. There is no real method to it, you just try and remember where your anxiety was at its’ peak (90 for instance) and where it is now (10). So when I am in my session and we discuss a topic like my breakdown in 2007, it causes me to get fairly anxious. I would say it causes me about an 85 out of 100. Writing about it now causes about 10 to 15 out of 100. The CBT is meant to help you find ways to get from talking down to 75 then 65 and so on, to writing it down to 7 and then maybe 5 or 4. It’s an inexact science but it really is beneficial.

Another method is to look at things according to probabilities. I will take the exampe of me going to a hockey game last year. There are typically about 18,000 people at a Columbus Blue Jackets game. I might worry on a scale of about 50 out of 100 that I might run into someone I used to work with and have them ask about what happened before I left back in 2007. But what is the probablity of that happening? 1 out of 18,000 right? So it is very very remote and looking at it that way helps me calm down and just enjoy the game.

The last method I will go into is an advantage/disadvantage method. Let’s say I was thinking about asking someone out and had the thought go through my mind, “I don’t deserve this person. I have all these issues and she won’t want to deal with them.” Now what I can do is take a piece of paper and a pencil and list all of the advantages to believing that, and then list all of the disadvantages to it. See how that works? There will inevitably be far more disadvantages to believing such a thought than there are advantages. That is how CBT works!

And now I will go on to talk about what I’ve worked on in the past week or so, but if you would like to read the previous entry, HERE is the link.

Goal #1: Separation Anxiety. I got to work on this a great deal over the weekend. As I mentioned in part 8 that I would be at my Dad’s for the weekend and that I would be by myself later at night. My father and stepmother were gone from about 4 until 9:30 or so in the evening. Those of you who have been following my CBT posts know that after about 6 or 7 I get really anxious about being alone. At 6 I would say it is about a 50 out of 100. By 9:30 it is about an 85. But on Saturday there was a Penguins game on until about 6, then I wrote in my journal about finishing a book called Thunder Dog. Then I watched the Buckeyes basketball team lost to Michigan State in a close one until about 8. Then at 8 the Blue Jackets season opener came on and I followed them either on TV or the radio until my Dad and Stepmom got home. I also give an assist to Brad because he texted me for awhile during those hours which provided me with some company. I also read some of the Feeling Good Handbook so Burns can get an assist as well. It is strange though, I can’t help but reflect on the fact that for seven years I lived alone and had no real problems, and now I struggle to go a few hours late at night by myself. Honestly? I would like some input as to whether this anxiety makes me weak.

Goal #2: Dogs: Apparently my Mother had my brother, sister in law, and their dog Leanard over at our house while I was gone. Nothing happened other than him being a little wound up from not being on any more medication.

Goal #3: Social Anxiety: I will be at a birthday party for my Stepmom beginning at 1 on Saturday. Sometime after that I hang out with Brad. If any of you saw my post about my youngest brother going back to college and he and I playing some of the Star Wars CCG game, then you may be surprised to learn that Brad saw it too and that he told me he’d be willing to give me a ton of cards from his collection so that my brothers and I can play from all the different movies. I will go into this more next time. I am excited and owe him one!

And before I go I thought I would share with you my little post CBT tradition. A Spicy Chicken Ceasar Salad from Wendy’s with Italian Vinaigrette dressing. Yum!

@mypublicsite @megabyyte @foodhog @light_blue_fables @heytherejoann @isitreal_no

Let’s see. The Broncos lost, The Packers lost and the Texans lost. So I went 1-3 last week. Not only that but all of the teams I even came close to picking for the Super Bowl are gone. My preseason picks were Pittsburgh and Green Bay. The Steelers didn’t make the playoffs. Then in light of that I changed it to the Broncos and the Packers. Well both of them are gone now. So do I continue to pick? Maybe I’ll root for New England and San Francisco so that they lose too? Sigh.

For the AFC Championship: Ravens

For the NFC Championship: Falcons

P.S. That Colin Kaepernick seems like a jerk doesn’t he? So yeah, Go Brady and Kaepernick!

Yesterday’s session was a good session. If you’ll recall, I gave my doctor my journal from 2006-7 to read so that he could glean some information from it that would help him prepare for future sessions. Well so far it hasn’t worked all that well. He will read some of the journal and ask me about an entry or a certain line, but they were written so long ago that I just plain don’t remember them. So he suggested I take my journal back, and I will read it and bring up entries that would be good to talk about.

We did go into the area of why I am a non-confrontational person. Honestly, in real life I am so terrible at picking up social cues and body language and facial movements that I just can’t detect when someone is annoyed with me or worse. So by the time I do detect it, it is almost always full blown hostility that no one can miss. So from my perspective someone will go from being completely nice to being completely hostile and I just don’t know how to process that. So I react with confusion more than anything else. Now if I am reading the exact ssame thing as what is being said I can pick up the between the lines stuff relatively easily. But verbal confrontation is just not in my arsenal. I figure this has something to do with my very mild form of autism (undiagnosed but that has to be it).

Before I move on to the three goals, HERE is a link to the last CBT entry.

Goal #1. Separation Anxiety. I will be at my Dad’s next weekend and during the day on Saturday he and my Stepmom will be away at a party. This will be my next chance to work this issue.

Goal #2. Dogs. I will probably see Leanard tonight when we go to my brother’s house to visit. I don’t have much anxiety about this.

Goal #3. Weddings (or from what I will now on call Social Anxiety). In a couple weeks my Stepmom will have a party at their house and I am invited. Yikes! But another opportunity I suppose to work on this issue.

@mypublicsite @megabyyte @foodhog @light_blue_fables @heytherejoann @isitreal_no

I went 2-2 last week. The Texans and Packers won on Saturday and I was off to 2-0. Then the Colts lost to the Ravens and Shanahan may have screwed up RG3′s knee in the process of not beating the Seahawks. And I make my picks this week with a disclaimer, I think the Patriots will win their game, but am going to pick the Texans because I hate them. I really do hope the Steelers get one more shot at Brady in the Playoffs. It would be nice to knock him out just once after he did it twice to them. ANYWAYS….

Broncos
Packers
Texans
Falcons

I’m rooting for Peyton Manning to win it all, btw.

So my little brother is heading back to college tomorrow and we spent the day today eating McDonald’s, watching Casino Royale, and playing some card games. I thought I’d take a couple pics of the card games.

This first one is of the Star Wars Collectible Card Game by Decipher. I actually bought my other brother a box full of cards for a different game and the one who is leaving for college was more excited about it than him! So I thought that maybe I’d break out some of my old Star Wars cards from the late 90′s and he and I would play a few games. It took over two hours the first game because I had forgotten the rules over the last 12 years and he didn’t know them in the first place. I won the first game and he won the second. The first game was just a bunch of characters, but for the second I got out some of my star cruisers (Rebel) and Star Destroyers (Dark Side) and we had a lot more fun. Great game and I can’t wait til he comes back after his year is over and we can play a few more times.

This second game is one of my Christmas presents he bought me. It is a Monopoly card game by Hasbro. It is much simpler than the Star Wars game, but is a lot more like chess in that you have a finite number of cards in the deck and there is no trading cards in or out. So far I’ve been winning games at about a 75% clip. If he gets the right cards he can win, but I’ve more or less figured out the timing for this game and until he does too I’ll have the upper hand. . This game is also much much shorter in length than the Star Wars game. We can probably play at least three games in the same time frame it takes to play one game of Star Wars.

Anyone else out there familiar with these games? How about 7th seas(this is the game that I bought for my other brother and have yet to play with him)?

I made a few wild picks last week to try and catch up to my Dad who was leading the family in wins. I ended up placing third out of the five of us playing. But now there’s the Playoffs. There are four rookies starting in the playoffs this year. Two play each other this week in the Seattle and Washington game. Gonna be a wild one in the wild card round!

Texans
Packers
Colts
Redskins

This afternoon’s therapy session was a so-so session. Both my doctor and I were coming off lengthy vacations and so neither of us were full throttle today. The main development actually occured back on December 23rd when the local paper published an article related to the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy. The article was written by someone very closely associated with the Medical Center I go to for treament and therapy. My mindset after reaading it was that perhaps it is time to seek treatment elsewhere. My mindset before my therapist/doctor read the article was all about finding out whether the article was a reflection of his views as well. They were not and I felt encouraged by that.

I pay my own way for my regular doctor visits, but the therapy part is covered through a grant for him to further his education towards becoming a cognitive behavioral therapist. As his first real patient I am kind of a guinea pig for him, and I feel a certain sense of responsibility towards helping him maximize his potential. I would say that I feel as much responsibility towards him as he does towards me. So what I have decided is that once my CBT treatment is finished and my therapist/doctor moves on from both roles into the next phase of his medical education, I will begin the process of seeking treatment at one of the other medical centers in Columbus. It will not be an easy move, but the principled move never is.

Now to get to how I did on the three main goals. If you would like to catch up on the last 6 parts of my CBT series, you can start HERE.

Goal #1. Separation Anxiety. I did not get much of a chance to work on this goal as everybody in my family was home for the holiday season.

Goal #2. Dogs. I really thought that when Leanard came over with my brother and sister in law on Christmas Eve that it would feel like yet another invasion. But while there was a minor incident with one of my cats, I think I was bound and determined not to let it, or him, ruin the day. And in the end it turned out to be one of the best days of the year. Honest! I take that as a sure sign that the therapy is working.

Goal #3. Weddings. I look forward to the next time I can hang out with Brad. I rather liked the little pizza place we went to last time. It was nice and comfy and conducive to quality conversation. I think he can see for himself that I’m just a regular guy who happens to have a couple screws loose and so sometime this year I will meet his wife. When that will happen I will leave up to him. Other than that I didn’t really work much on this goal.

@mypublicsite @megabyyte @foodhog @light_blue_fables @heytherejoann @isitreal_no

It’s 2013! Happy New Year’s everyone! I thought I would go back and find my resolutions from 2012 and see how things went. So here, in quotes, is my post from last year.

“So it’s New Year’s Eve. Time to wonder about New Year’s Resolutions and things related to 2012. So I have two questions for you.

First: What is/are your New Year’s Resolution(s)?

Second: What do you think will happen in 2012?

My answer to the first is that I want to be about half-way through my novel by this time next year. I don’t want to say “Start a novel”, because I’ll do that Jan. 9th or 10th. I also don’t want to say “Finish a novel”, because I despise working with deadlines. So, “Get half-way through a novel” is directly in between and should be attainable.

My answer to the second is that I’m really worried about what’s going to happen the closer we get to the date 12/21/12. I personally don’t believe the world will end on that date, but thanks to movies like 2012 and other such nonsense I wonder if it’s going to be a replay of the whole Y2K scare. You know, people going and stocking up on canned goods and water and hunkering (sp?) down in their basements the night of 12/20/12 hoping that nobody says to himself, “Well the worlds about to end so hey, why not go looting” and pick the house with innocent people inside where people are just hoping to get to 12/22/12 undisturbed. That kind of thing has me worried.

Your thoughts?”

And here is how I did in relation to my New Year’s questions.

I am about a quarter of the way through my first novel. For the first part of the year I purposefully took two weeks per chapter so that I didn’t burn myself out or get bored with it or what have you. The latter part of the year I amped it up to a chapter a week. I think there will be about 40 chapters when all is said and done and I am up to chapter 11. Again, just like last year I will start up again in January.

And you’ll note that I said ‘first novel’. I have begun a second novel. This one is in its’ infant stages. I am only writing about a page a day so that I can give myself time to get to know the characters and see what I want to do with it.

And the second part? Once California did not drop into the ocean, and once Yellowstone did not become a supervolcano and all that, I figured we were safe for 12/21/12. I saw Skyfall with my younger brothers and so that was a nice way to spend the day.

And now for my New Year’s Resolution for 2013.

1. Get to the halfway point of novel number one. I got to the 25% mark in 2012, so getting to the 50% mark in 2013 is fairly realistic, don’t you think?

2. Get at least two thirds of the way through novel number two as I will write it at the same time as number one and will also write it during the summer months as well. This one is not going to be as long as number one, so this goal is realistic.

3. Get glasses. Sigh. I have a hard time reading the scores on even HD now, so it is time to think about glasses.

4. And last but certainly not least is to continue with my Cognitive Behavior Therapy and discover new ways to defeat my anxiety.